Can You Guess what I've been Doing? .One. Citi Farewells

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Weekends here in Chicago have delivered!—the clubbing, the events, the boy watching. Shout out to Derrick L. Briggs of Finding Me & ADtv for being such a cool spirit, Lord Baldwin, who is Mr. Sexxy & Sassy on Facebook, Tyra Sanchez from RuPauls Drag Race, who stood for pictures, and Lonnell Williams, from 3LWtv, for being consistently good energy! Can you guess what I’ve been doing?

I’ve just survived two weeks of pride events, kicking this Season off at the beginning ceremonies at Pride Fest, a public street fair in the heart of Boystown, doing outreach at the new gig! Yes, I have a new gig!

Serendipitously is how this new position sorta fell into my lap. But without much of the falderal I just applied, got a call back and scheduled an interview. No sooner did I show up in my paisley tie and Kenneth Cole heels did I kill the first interview and was scheduled a second to, later, murder. The decision was made in a week and my start date became the following week, which gave me no time to fade out of the scene at my former employer, CitiBank. I just kinda left.

Saying sayonara to my comrades at the Money Factory was more difficult than I expected, having anticipated this day for the last two years! I thought I was emotionally ready to quit, flip my desk over and pump the air full of the “Fuck-You” finger. The gag was after I accepted the new position I found myself wanting to stay at my desk, at Citi, just a little while longer. I was eager to count another dollar.

I couldn’t give them two weeks. I barely gave them a week. My last day at Citi I didn’t prep not one ATM!—I didn’t sit at my desk. I arrived to work about 3 hours late with Jamba Juice and didn’t even bother with the time sheet. My department had decorated one of the white boards in the back with pictures and cards and balloons saying things like Good-bye, you’ll be missed. The farewell address that I wanted to give my team didn’t happen the way it I had always dreamt.

The ultimate goal for my farewell speech had always been to publicly tell Damon/Orange Polo/my supervisor/the cute boy at work that I loved him. It would have happened in such a way that I would’ve individually looked at each one of my supervisors and one by one saying their name I would repeat “I love you”. Leaving Damon for last, there would have been pause after his name. I would’ve smiled and he would’ve too. I would’ve upped the ante and blushed—cheeks hot—dropping my eyes, lowering my head, looking away but still smiling. There was an energy Damon and I had always shared from across the room. It was hidden the majority of the time, some might’ve thought it to be harmless flirting, but they all knew. I would raise my stare back at ‘em, the room would be filled with that electricity and it would have been in the way that I said, I love you, that would have perked every ear and confirmed for everyone my intentions with that boy. God made Damon absent my last day. Thank you, God.

The speech that I gave accommodated my every expectation in its sincerity. Thanks to Yolanda, my best work buddy, I cried reciting everyone’s individual farewell.

We ended the night with cake and ice cream and LOADS of Garrett’s Popcorn, thanks to my little sis, who gave us the popcorn. I cleaned off my desk. I emptied my locker. I left the building for the final time.

My favorite moment at the bank is now bittersweetly my final moments at the bank. I will look back at those year and probably never know how I survived counting cash at a desk for four years barely earning rent. I say good riddens to the work, may it rot STANK in hell, but... these are the people I will know forever. The Money Factory, I surrender though I'll never forget. But today, I am new.

Update!

I owe you lovely guys and gals SO much information! For the past 2 weeks my life has been nonstop! I don’t have much time to write tonight—I’m actually getting ready for the 4^th of July shindig with the fam. I gotta remember to bring my camera. I gotta do some recording. Yum, right?

BUT!—there is an Update Vid on Youtube detailing some of the newness in my life and until I’m able to sit down and write you guys a decent blog entry I hope a few images would suffice. Can you guess what I've been up to? eh. Probably not.

Check out the video! Enjoy the pics! Lata, yall!

Everything but Reality

Hey James I enjoyed your poem Everything but Reality so much I transcribed a new piece from it. Here is my interpretation. Let me know what you think.

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Hold the bullshit and the stupids

I want to be on top

for once—

perfect sex with sloppy bodies...

I want a unicorn??

I want sex on top of money—

I want happy,

I want noise!

I want to be the winner, left alone, a pixie

touching every pore.

I want to be everlasting, worth the wanting

honest in love,

bash the face of my enemies

I want

me to define me— think, I think,

I then want clarity

I want everything:

drugs, attention,

whores

and a adjustable body

but reality!—

that actually sees!—

skulls left, sloppy,

to a Jell-O consistency .

Responding to Email: Leviticus Chapter 20, verse...??? ALL OF THEM!!!

Hey Ken.

So I saw your video entitled "Homosexuality & Religion" and I just couldn't help but share my beliefs with you. The only reason why Jesus Christ came to the earth and died on the cross was to take away the sins of the world. In the Old Testament sin had gotten in the way of the Father (GOD) and his Children (Israel) and none of the prophets, priest, or teachers could steer the children totally back to God. God gave Moses laws in which God says that we should have no other gods before him (GOD), no graven images, etc, etc. I heard the part at the end of your video where you said that you didn't steal, or kill, and you basically were a just and rightly person. Well I must convey my thoughts to you because I genuinely care.

I have a friend who dealt with lesbianism..very very deeply. She was sooo deep in it from the parties to even partaking in very coarse and bawdy sexual acts with multiple people. She then came to realize that GOD didn't create her to be a lesbian. She never woke up one day and said that that was what she wanted to be. She never chose that it chose her. The enemy (satan) and all of his evil forces will do whatever it takes to deter you from realizing who GOD actually made you to be. God didn't make you into what the WORLD has made you evolve into. God had nothing to do with it.She made her way to GOD because she was tired of living a lie. Sleeping around and going to different parties and groups trying to fill something that only her creator can fill. Jesus is LOVE! Not sex, money, marriage..it is JESUS who gives us love and causes us to prosper. His word says that ppl will know his servants by LOVE. It all comes down to whether people believe or not. If you believe in God and the wholeness of him and the Son (JESUS) and spirit as one and if you believe that he is real...give it a try.

I won't even try to debate with anyone or go back and forward....Just try him! His word says that a man should not lie with another man...and the same for 2 women. Homosexuality is not only a sin against God... but it is a life in total retaliation against God ...as far as the scripture says. If I steal something today but I never steal again...and I ask God for forgiveness...I'm no longer a stealer. But if I cheat on my wife over and over and over and over again and ask God for forgiveness (for the sake of guilt) then cheat again... I have begun to live a life that transgresses the law of GOD. I hope that you strongly consider all of these words...and get back to me via message and just let me know your perspective on this.

God Bless....

To begin lesbianism isn’t any more about bawdy sexual acts with multiple people than a group of heterosexuals who too prefer said acts with multiple people. I believe what your friend came to realize is that god didn’t call her into creation to be a promiscuous party animal and what you have to understand is that homosexuality isn’t about orgies and parties.

Hearsay will lead you to believe the term Homosexuality solely addresses the physical act. What most never consider are the mental and emotional connections related to this term. To clarify I would be homosexual with or without ever again having contact with a man. And whether or not I pray to God for forgiveness for having such a sexual history I will remain a gay man because I am, emotionally and mentally, a gay man.

Physically I could sexually entertain someone of the opposite sex like you could physically entertain someone of the same sex. But because sex is more mental than it is physical we don’t commit these acts because we all have preferences. You can’t convince me the only reason you’re straight is because you believe “the bible says so”. We are individuals for a reason. Condemn me for fornication, that’s fine, we can talk about that. But the devil hasn’t tricked me into believing I enjoy the company of men, God hasn’t given up on me and my relationship with him isn’t poor. We talk daily.

I don’t know how avid a bible reader you are but in Leviticus, chapter 20, where it reads, “If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them,” what else might that chapter condemn? It 's very selective for people to use such a verse from a chapter that suggests capital punishment for a number of other behaviors and acts that easily get glossed over in todays society.

I hope I have shared with you my perspective and I hope it was clear. But just in case you haven't seen the rest of Leviticus, I have taken the liberty to include a few more verses for your reading pleasure. And if, in your reading, you know of anyone that matches those sins, please allow them the courtesy of knowing they are living a life in total retaliation against God. You now have proof.

Oh, and by the way, lesbianism wasn’t mentioned at all in that chapter.

God Bless.

20:9

For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him.

20:10

And the man that committeth adultery with another man’s wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.

20:11

And the man that lieth with his father’s wife hath uncovered his father’s nakedness: both of them shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

20:12

And if a man lie with his daughter in law, both of them shall surely be put to death: they have wrought confusion; their blood shall be upon them.

20:13

If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

20:14

And if a man take a wife and her mother, it is wickedness: they shall be burnt with fire, both he and they; that there be no wickedness among you.

20:15

And if a man lie with a beast, he shall surely be put to death: and ye shall slay the beast.

20:16

And if a woman approach unto any beast, and lie down thereto, thou shalt kill the woman, and the beast: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

20:17

And if a man shall take his sister, his father’s daughter, or his mother’s daughter, and see her nakedness, and she see his nakedness; it is a wicked thing; and they shall be cut off in the sight of their people: he hath uncovered his sister’s nakedness; he shall bear his iniquity.

20:18

And if a man shall lie with a woman having her sickness, and shall uncover her nakedness; he hath discovered her fountain, and she hath uncovered the fountain of her blood: and both of them shall be cut off from among their people.

20:19

And thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy mother’s sister, nor of thy father’s sister: for he uncovereth his near kin: they shall bear their iniquity.

20:20

And if a man shall lie with his uncle’s wife, he hath uncovered his uncle’s nakedness: they shall bear their sin; they shall die childless.

20:21

And if a man shall take his brother’s wife, it is an unclean thing: he hath uncovered his brother’s nakedness; they shall be childless.

20:22

Ye shall therefore keep all my statutes, and all my judgments, and do them: that the land, whither I bring you to dwell therein, spue you not out.

20:23

And ye shall not walk in the manners of the nation, which I cast out before you: for they committed all these things, and therefore I abhorred them.

20:24

But I have said unto you, Ye shall inherit their land, and I will give it unto you to possess it, a land that floweth with milk and honey: I am the LORD your God, which have separated you from other people.

20:25

Ye shall therefore put difference between clean beasts and unclean, and between unclean fowls and clean: and ye shall not make your souls abominable by beast, or by fowl, or by any manner of living thing that creepeth on the ground, which I have separated from you as unclean.

20:26

And ye shall be holy unto me: for I the LORD am holy, and have severed you from other people, that ye should be mine.

20:27

A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death: they shall stone them with stones: their blood shall be upon them.

Its My Turn-KLB: Homosexuality & Religion

For the latest contribution on the KLB channel I would like to thank Rob from RelevanceTV who found my work on youtube and asked that I join this discussion. His invitation, more or less, became the momentum for generating this video. I would also like to credit Sharon Fuller of The Soap Box: Reel Talk for Real People, in North Carolina, and her team for also lending a public voice to this topic. It took me several attempts at this conversation for it to become as fluid as I needed it to be. The goal was to keep the storytelling clear and my opinions conversational. The selling point for me in the video is how well the piano contributes to the message.

Below are some of the conversations that I've heared and respect. Please give your attention to these voices and hear what they have to say.

The Soap Box: Reel Talk for Real People

FabledVerse

Diamond

Jared Shuler

Also, for anyone else with further interest on these issues I would like to recommend Fall from Grace, a documentary on the Rev. Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church and his intolerance towards homosexuals, as well as Fish out of Water, an independent film addressing & dissecting the seven Biblical verses condemning homosexuality.

Miami: Kiss and Tell/the Rebound Guy

The sexiest thing two men can do is raise children together. The question that I have is how do you tell the man that you wanna raise children with that…you wanna raise children with him?

First things first! Does KLB kiss and tell? I sure as hell do but the sex that everyone expects to have in Miami didn’t exist for me. Understand: Ken like Barbie has sex. I do!...occasionally. In fact the occasions have become so rare and infrequent, during the act of sex, I find myself surprised that I’m even having it. I digress.

The last time I had sex Tony Maloney came into town about a month or so ago and I bathed him. The time before that was during the rebound relationship I had with David the Sheriff and we did it weeks after Valentines Day after which he virtually disappeared. And I’m sure if I pressured my memory a bit more I could conjure up two or three more “in-between” people who I've shared myself with but no one “in-between” is worth this conversation.

I think I’m over "the Rebound guy". Tony Maloney was Mr. Rebound two years ago and is somehow still content with being that guy. He claims and expresses to me constantly that he wants more than the randomness we share but I just don’t fully trust myself with Tony. The Sheriff was a serious interest of mine that played Mr. Rebound—what a disappointment. I’d come by and feed him. We’d post up on the sofa, watch movies and smooch. Everything seemed headed down the path of monogamy (which was his idea) until David somehow…faded out—end scene. And whereas I’m well in my rights to be outraged, curious to know what the hell exactly happened—now that David’s actually gone I can’t really say that I miss him, ya know?...so why waste the rage.

I’ve been asked several times do I ever miss my last husband. And in total honesty those feeling have yet been fully examined. What I don’t miss is being hostage to those god awful lectures he gave about his work or being subjected to his insecurities which leaked into our relationship, stifling us as couple and me as an individual. Knowing that part of my life is over thrills me. But then there are slight moments when I’m teaching my niece Karla the alphabets and she gets so frustrated she cries and then I cry knowing that the man I called husband left me and there will never be a time when we struggle with our children over such things as the alphabet. I think I miss what my ex stood for. Womie represented home.

I think I’ve entered the “Ready” stage. I’ve exhausted my patience with miscellaneous people, I’ve been as rambunctious as I’m gonna be post the love of my life. I’m "ready" to kiss again and it be an investment. I don’t wanna grow old loving Mr. Rebound. I wanna be home again.

Sweet Pea Roger is someone I haven’t seen in over two years that has finessed well into his age [30]. We kissed on stage at some club as if reuniting, sweating gallons, our shirts off, drunk like fish. I hadn’t been kissed with such quality in such a discouraging amount of time it woke me up a bit. Roger is someone I should’ve married years ago, divorced, moved away from and rediscovered to kiss with in Miami because it was right.

So how do you say it?—and the facts are staggering. He lives in Atlanta. I live in Chicago. He has a dog, a career, a car and I’m steady lost in translation. Long distance relationships scare me and though I’m not committed to Chicago, Atlanta isn’t necessarily where I wanna be.

So how do you say despite all hurdles children would be perfect for us? How do you explain because you’re smart enough, because you’re patient enough, because you’re passionate enough, because you kiss with quality, because I could wake up to your imperfections 365 days a year and respect them as my own because I love you…Sweet Pea.

Miami Prelude: Confession

At best I consider myself a nobody—a tall and gangly nonentity with a slight yet shiny intelligence. A large part of my life, as most of you well know, is lived on video. Confession: I’m a video whore—peeking in and out of the camera, carrying it around with me on all my travels, keeping it close like a shoulder. I’m a dork.

Pride events for me have become opportunities to sift through my community and hopefully snag a moment of a fellow blogging comrade. It’s my way of solidifying my position in this black gay blogging revolution. I want them to know I exist so I announce myself by shaking their hands.

The surprise for me comes in being recognized. It’s the affirmation received in knowing that what my slight yet shiny intelligence expresses on video has stimulated someone so emotionally that they remembered me well enough to point and say hi, I know who you are and this is how you affected me. The secret to living eternally, beyond maintaining a proper rapport with god, has a lot to do with being favored in the memory of others. You don’t die when you’re remembered and there is a legacy we all accumulate by living out each sunrise and that legacy will either be far reaching or it won’t. Confession: I’m living to be immortal.

Thank-you to any and every and all who watches and listens and reads and anticipates and comments and shares and finds a smidgen worth of themselves in my expressions. Thank you to the bloggers that embraced me, to the fans and followers that remember me. You’re beginning to make me wonder if I’m not a nobody at all.

Unfortunately I didn’t have the resources to photograph everyone I encountered during Sizzle but your memories I cherish. We’ll one day meet again.